I wanna ...

Learn

1. Photography
2. Painting
3. Gardening
4. To play the violin (not badly tho)
5. One more language
6.Pottery
7. Making stuff outta waste
8. Tarot card reading
9. Organic farming

Do right now

1. Dance
2. Travel
3. Love crazily
4. Drench in rains
5. See a baby smile
6. Hold a new born baby and feel its lil fingers

Do in near future

1. Run a NGO for kids and their education
2. Go on a world tour

Do in late future

1. Open a travel company ;)
2. Start writing passionately again... I wanna do  this forever

Searching

I am home alone, its raining heavily outside, am listening to Kenny G music..I am online, fidgeting with things here and there. I feel I am searching something..looking for something - something very random and something very deep, two identities, a merger of these two or a feeling :

Good lyrics to sate my appetite for meaning in words in a way that they touch my soul, a good movie, a Guru, a spiritual mate, someone to listen to me, someone to dance with, someone to share an icecream with, someone whom I could wish a happy friendship's day and  meet up with over a coffee and not care about the world, someone who with whom I could drench in the rains, someone with whom I could share a hot cuppa tea and pakodas, someone to fill in the space in this moment, someone with whom I could be the actual "me", someone to laugh uncontrollably with, someone to play with, someone with whom I could live this moment, someone who would make me enjoy this season the most, someone who would just understand my need to gossip now, someone who'd buy me roses, someone with whom I could share my fantasies and live them too, someone with whom I could share a ride into the lush green hills and explore the nature,someone who'd be with me now and who'd make me go mad, someone with whom I could feel on the top of the world!

A best friend, a love, a life!

Local trains!

Today was my first day to college and one thing that comes as a bonus with my MTech course is also two hours of train journey on my way to college! I was well equipped with a novel and my mp3 player to ensure I am not bored while travelling! But..the fact is I just din't feel the need to use either of above things!! There are so many interesting people around and my travelling timw would give me enough time and space to explore my avocational subject of interest- psychology!

The first group of people I came across were a group of teachers! There is this certain "factor" about them that can make it so easy to spot a teacher! The way they talk, the way they behave..there is a instructive instinct in what they put forth, there is a kind of  aura that says "dude, U can't boss over me!",most older teachers are resistant to pleasant smiles except that they reserve few of theirs for their collegues with whom they share common hatred principles! So there I was, sitting and observing a group of 5 teachers, few of them kept joining in through different stations! Through my observation, I have classified people into a few categories (hopefully many more would be coming in my future posts!) listed as below:

1. people who observe every detail in u including places where your purse is torn and the angle at which your long earrings tilt!

2. people who keep complaining ( this teacher was complaining about every possible thing on this earth including monsoons, lack of good designs in purses, CHILDREN and their PARENTS with a usual dialogue" the parents just keep dancing on our heads, the education system, ICSE board, human nature... blah blah blah!)

3. people who are equipped all sorts of medicines (this lady had one for pain, fever, loose motions and vicks vapourub!!!)

4.people who are genuinely nice and willing to give their seats to older people, willing to hold others bags while they struggle to keep their feet firm admist the pushing crazy crowd!

5. people who are new and therefore silently observe and absorb the intricacies of the peer psychology!

Just when I was sitting next to them and listening to the conversations, the writer in me just registered all these things and I decided that all this stuff is getting onto my blogpost!

More later..as the train journey will go on and I' ll keep writing about it!

Romancing Nature

Hmmm....! I am completely feeling at peace with my self. A nice shower, saxophone music, an orange evening,  the beautiful view of the oldest trees from my window and the smoothly sailing breeze that blows my open wet hair lightly while I see the leaves waving to the same cool zephyr, all of this is making me feel one with nature. It brings a slight smile on my lips as I feel the calm and the serenity take over my mind and soul. A moment like this makes me feel so complete, so connected to the setting sun, so connected to my own self. My own self , that I thought, I had  almost lost admist the petty worries of the other world! I feel released from a bond and I can sense the flight of a caged bird into the open sky! The tunes of the saxophone seem to me like spring. I can feel the green spread inside my heart and the blooming yellow flowers add the bright shade to    the soothing stretch of grass. I can feel the blooming of my soul and the humming bees, the path traced by them and the love that exists between this pair and at last, the sweetness of this nectar has an eternal flavour that has been sprinkled on my restless mind. Oh Creator, bless my soul with the lasting eternity of this bright blossoming season! Romance doesn't necessarily have to be with another person, but it also exists in unity of one's self  with  the rythum of nature!

Writer's Block!

Writer's block gives me a tough time!
Cos there is too much in my head and heart
and the right words just seem lost in space
yet there is a compulsion to purge out a storm.

The mundane incidents consume me into their existence
leaving me lost in a deep search for true meaning
Why does happiness seem so out of reach
when you feel you don't even have a reason to fret?

My longing for the cozy rains is finally about to end
but there is something else other than the dry earth
that needs the droplets of a powerful rain
Can I please shout that its none other than my heart?

A poem is being composed without a pattern
and trying to express the incompleteness of this moment
Lovely weather and lonely me
Does God care enough to turn His feather?

Sometimes a touch of love turns the dusty edge
into shimmering shades of a golden haze
All seemingly completes my life and love
Yet why do I sometimes sense just the brown plain wood?

High I want to rise and far I want to fly
into the vastness of the deep blue sky
I have my wings but the ones beneath mine
Why can't I feel them even though I can see them???

Will take u to my garden of love..

Endless nights spent glaring in to space,
Thousand questions take away my solace,
In search of what path now have I to take,
What source of living have I to make.

In the sweet silence,
when the rythum of your love plays,
the music just takes me over..
yet what remains is the silence!

Maa

I wrote this poem for the most important and loving person in my life - my mother! I had written this poem when mom was sitting at a distance from me one evening during sunset. Soothing breeze was blowing mildly and flying white streaks of her hair suddenly filled me with a realization that she is getting older. I know there is nothing so different in what I then realized, but still that moment I felt like writing this poem and tapping my feelings into words. Here it comes..a dedication to my "Maa";

Madham si hawa lehrati hai to uski zulfe bikhar jaati hai,
Aankhon mein mamata ki nami,
Loriyaan gungunate mulayam se lab,
Pyaar bhara sparsh,
Itna pavitra, itna saccha,
Jis se saari chintayein pal mein hi door ho jaati hai,
Dhalti hui sandhya bhi itni sundar lagti hai,
Maa tu to muje saakshaat pari lagti hai!

Empty classrooms & wooden benches

Empty classrooms and wooden benches,

Echoes of the busy college days.

Assignments, Internals and Lunch Boxes,

Never ending lectures and seemingly ceasing clocks,

Best friends, discipline and the beautiful hills,

The lunch breaks, broken hearts and exam days,

Football matches, cheering and winning days,

Ethnic day, saree and dhoti woes,

Competitions, dance and sport,

Attendance, funny accents and teaching flaws,

Sleepy eyes, wandering thoughts and big ears in the same line,

Projects, travelling and principal's room,

Pending work, lazy nights and a cosy mood,

Blossoming love, teasing friends and  shy feelings,

Teens to adults, topsy turvy phases,

Dreams to fulfill and career to follow,

Determination, destiny and evaluation shocks,

Away from home, friends cum family,

Late nite horror stories and a cup of coffee,

Sleeping in friend's room and a scared heart,

Room mate fights and early morning maggies,

Engineering degree and distinction,

Steel like will and emotion strays,

Empty classrooms and wooden benches,

Echoes of the busy college days.

Stuck admist the chicaneries of life,
trying to get a hold of myself,
I wish to look beyond the trivial woes,
I wish to recognise and embrace,
the bigger picture, the bigger Plan.

Bheeg gaya mora mann..

Taptapaati dhoop ke baad ki yeh baarish,
Kori dharti ko bheegoti hui yeh bunde,
Sune ped ki daaliyon par khilti hui pattiyaan,
Geeli mitti ki sondhi khushbu,
Baadalo ke peeche se jhankta hua suraj,
Satrangi doriyon ki sunder maala,
Aakash ka badalta hua rukh,
Tumhari muskurahaat..!

Ek din maine khuda se pucha,
 " kaun hai aapko zyaada pyaari, suraj ki roshni ya chaand ki chaandni?"
Khuda bole,
" kya kahun kaun hai muje zyaada pyaari,
                     ek hai Kaanha ki Radha aur duji Mira..Prem Deewani!" 

White birds flying back during sunset..

I had been to my favourite place for boating. Its a small lake. On one side of it, there is a walk way and the other side are lil houses slightly covered by the growing grass. It reminds me of my cherished dream of buying a house at the sea shore. There is something about water bodies that I love. The depth, the calm, the serenity, the ripples, the smell of moisture, the waves and their continuity, their sound. This place starts looking beautiful as the sun starts setting and  sky is covered by the pastel shades of orange, pink and purple.The diminishing peach coloured pie, the spreading colours of blush, the birds flying back, the fading light, the approaching darkness and the glittering moonlight. There seems to be a mystifying pattern in all of these.

The lil white birds flying in the sky look like pearls against the hues of the sky. I find a strange solace in seeing them. It makes me think that no matter where we are or what we are throughout the day, as the day comes to an end, our heart seeks a return to itself, to its origin, to its home. The return may vary in its context, it may be a return to one's own self- one's soulmate, one's betterhalf, to one's home where a mother eagerly awaits her lil ones, where a wife awaits her consort (or vive versa is possible too!!), return to a state, where one's true soul awaits freedom- freedom from the seriousness of work, freedom from the diplomacies of the world, politics, hypocrisy and responsibilities.  It may be a return to one's country where old parents curiously wait for their NRI kids..a return to our own land, our roots. The amazing way the birds coordinate their aerial movements to maintain the V shape making  it easier for the fellow birds to fly long distances easily, reminds me of the role of our loved ones in helping keep in  our V shape- mental, emotional as well as physical ( size zero inspires??)!!. Their help to keep us grounded, to keep us motivated, to keep us going, to keep us  in "Living" mode. Their efforts in our flight, their efforts in giving us our sky. Isn't it a wonderful pattern that we humans follow too! The perfect V shaped formation in our lives would be but incomplete without the sync between us and our loved ones..

I think now I know why I feel that "peace" when I see the lovely birds flying back. I love it because I can relate to them in many ways, because I love my sky, I love my flight, I love going back to myself after a day's work, I love my family and my loved ones who keep me in shape..I love it because I am a flying bird at heart!

My room

In the darkness of this passing night and the nostalgic dim light in my room,
here I sit surrounded by relics of different phases of my life..
My engineering books,
My poetry book with my teenage love poems,
A recipe book,
My favourite red bangles,
My dictionary,
My latest study material,
Floral pink and purple pencils,
My coloured hair bands mostly pink,
My old cell phone,
My new cell phone,
My old goals chart which stands still on the wall,
Winnie the pooh on my cupboard,
News paper marked for home search,
My Teddy bears,
The decoration ribbons on the walls of my room,
My laptop bag,
Old pink curtains and
Nostalgia..

This room has been my incubator..its here that I have slept with a glad smile on my face, its here that I have cried off to sleep, its here that we as a family have had the best of times, my birthday celebrations, late night talks, sleep overs with my best friends at home, my late night studies for the exams, exam nite phone calls, cramming, agony-sharing,  giggling, dancing, candle light moments, crazy dancing with my lil bro, my trasnformations, my encounters with life's bitter and sweetest truths, sibling sharing, moms lullabies, sleeping next to mom when unwell, my messy table, my greeting cards in the butterfly bag, my windchime...just everything..about it forms the sweetest treasure of memories..!
Love it and will miss it after I leave this home..and forever..